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2012-01-20T13:48:00.001-08:00

被一个人改变，为一个人改变 is two different issues.

Many things we don't have to explain in detail. But being an adult, there are few things we have to figure out yourself. No one is there to be with you for long, people come and go in your life.

Maybe losing something in life, would make you stronger, and more mature. I'll rather be that thing tt you lost in life.

2012-01-13T16:41:00.000-08:00

I waited 2 years, 730 days, 17520 hours, 1,051,200 mins, 63,072,000 seconds, for you to change into a better person. Is everything too late?

I told you before, when I turned my back against someone it means game over.

2012-01-13T15:49:00.000-08:00

Good morning to myself.

The only thing tt is constant is changes. Been doing nth but the usuals. Got kinda sick of the daily routines, partying on every weekends. Getting my life back to norm, hopefully I could...

2011-12-21T14:56:00.001-08:00

Finally there's some time I could spend time myself instead of indulging myself with liquour and gambling.

Three months passed. There's a huge change in myself which I didn't like about it at all but couldn't help it. People that cared for me got hurt, not only once.
I think it's time to grow up.

2011-11-30T15:37:00.000-08:00

Sorry doesn't help, promises doesn't mean anything anymore.

It does not mean trying your best would bring you back to the past. Everything has changed.

God is fair

2011-11-12T14:14:00.000-08:00

You nv understand what exactly I wanted from you. I cried, I look thru every single photos we took Tgt. it's the happiness, the smile tt came from the heart which no one will ever give me. I miss u alot.

2011-10-30T13:54:00.000-07:00

Vic and I could hug Tgt and cry but who knows what we thinking about. Who doesn't look forward to see their msgs from their love ones when they wake up. But I know Our distance are drifting so far.

I miss the times when you hug me to slp though you didn't like it. You will pat me to slp without fail. We send hundreds of msgs to each other. Life was tough but perfect because we were made to be Tgt. I really miss you. I do.

2011-10-19T01:49:00.000-07:00

I wished you could have talk to me nicely and asked me back.

2011-09-25T06:56:00.000-07:00

I'm been putting a strong front. No one ever knows how much I miss you. Flipping through every photos everyday, staring in blanks reminiscing the past. Tears nv fail to drop but I know you will nv reply me. I wanna say I love you still. Misses you.

2011-09-22T19:23:00.000-07:00

Took public transport for the first time with my step sister. We had lots of laughter, and heart to heart talks. It's really good to have someone by your side when you're down.

2011-09-18T21:37:00.000-07:00

Everything has come to an end. I believe things will turn out better, I hope. People by my side helping me so much, I guess things wasn't that bad actually.

2011-09-04T15:15:00.001-07:00

partying with loves. Otw to neverland. ^^

Butterfac on fri with bffs.

Hubby is finally bringing me tmr. He'll be partying tmr night with colleagues, which means he's leaving me alone. :( He promised me he would bring me to shopping before he goes out. Love love.

V is leaving Spore on tues. Lots of misses, definitely. Had lotsa fun at Neverland.

I had enough of slacking ard, and its time for me to look for a job SOON. Real soon. ^^

2011-08-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what am I to you? Are we meant to be Tgt or not?

2011-08-19T15:38:00.000-07:00

Dad: I'm sorry for giving you cold shoulder or ignoring you when you talk to me. I had to put up a strong front not showing anyone that I was actually that weak, hiding behind the damn door crying.
I couldn't tell you the reason why I got summon to there, because I was stupid enough to give someone my everything and it turned out to be like that. You must be thinking I'm still angry with you for shouting at me but I wasn't. I reach home late night, going out early in the morning. I'm just unwilling to share my problems.

I decided to put a stop when shit happens every other day. Don't come telling me Happy 2nd year anniversary and the next moment you slapped me with other problem telling me its my fault again. It gets damn tiring when my intentions was good and harmless but you can find every single fault on me.
I decided to put it behind, start afresh again.

2011-08-18T13:48:00.000-07:00

Two years of relationship, this is the day. For the last time, we have been quarreling on our month-iversary or anniversary, for the first time I grew tired of giving in and explaining while on the other hand you didn't bothered to explain at all. In your eyes, I'm always the unreasonable party who kept throwing temper at you? The fact that you gave me your temper and I was expected to give in to you after you threw your temper.

I'm really tired of everything. I decided to put a stop after today. I'm someone whom you can throw your temper as and when you feel like it compared to someone whom you love. You didn't bother to explain either. What am I to you exactly? I was dumped alone for the past two hours and you told me all the craps and yet I had to swallow my pride down just because I wanted to give in to you.

I thought of many things during these two hours. Things are no longer the same. I had enough. You are far too unreasonable to handle.

2011-08-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

When I was bout to praise you in front of all my friends, you nv fail to piss me off. Thanks.

Yes, I was saying where on earth can I find a husband who wakes up specially to cook noodles for me when he saw me in the kitchen, barely surviving. (I'm a lousy housewife) I got so fucking touched. But on the other hand, this ass hole got on my nerve when I had double confirm things with him thrice, asking the same fcuking question THREE TIMES and things turn out the other way. I wasn't pissed because we couldn't spend time together. But I left my things at his hse to reduce the load, and confirm I'll be going back tonight so I could use my stuff. Guess what, this ass hole gave me tons of reasons and offered to return my things Early in the morning Tmr. Fcuk u, understand? Waking up early is never in ur fcuking head.

Don't start blaming me when I hurl vulgarities at you. In your eyes everything seem to be a small issue. You know what, you did not know how to weight important stuff and the least important stuff. All you do is TALK.

WHO THE FCUK SAID HE DOESNT WANNA QUARREL? Your attitude sucks. I don't wish to say much or explain much? I'm not worth your time explaining things to me? One day I'll get an admirer to text me and I'll tell you the same fcuking thing? I bet you'll pull your hair and get suspicious. Go fcuk yourself, Ryan lee. You made me blow my top. Really.

Two more days to our Two years anniversary. I bet you don't rmb it either. I don't wanna remind you. But I think having a cold war for a mth its ok. I dont wanna text you, apologizing for smth I wasn't at fault at all, letting you scold and criticize when it's all your fault? Go think what have I done for you. U need a hose, stuff it in your head and wash off all your stupid, ridiculous idea.

2011-08-10T13:42:00.000-07:00

Before I turn 22, there's plenty of things I wanna do, I wanna start afresh.

I realise spouse cnt be rely on (as there's so many divorce case out there). I decided to put aside some money to further studies, learn a third language, get a job (love it or not), clear of all debts and lastly learn pole dancing. Agent told me I had to change my resume as it looks darn messy and complicated. 2 more months before I get things done.

Love is really contradicting. I love you, thinking nth could replace you. But sometimes I could curse and swear at you for something I'm damn pissed off. There's what a human heart is capable of.

2011-08-10T13:41:00.001-07:00

If I had a job, I would kick you aside, divorce and find a better one!

I start to hate you. Really.

2011-08-05T15:41:00.000-07:00

Leaving all my angst aside. Deep inside, I still love you so so much.

2011-08-05T15:23:00.000-07:00

I'm glad to see there's so many of your brothers stand by you speaking up for you. These are your true friends, the ones tt you use your heart to treat them well, not just simply colleagues only.

But where were you when they are speaking up for you? This is your fcuking flaw, you didn't bothered to speak up for yourself, stop telling me, 'forgive or not up to you' tt kind of thing.

What your friends has spoken up for you touches me. Not you. You are insincere and ridiculous. Your friend sent me a long long essay, telling me to look at things at other point of view. I don't wanna hear sorry, I don't wanna hear promises. Show me what you want to do, not by saying them only.

I'm here, staying awake, or rather cnt fall asleep becos you didn't reply a single msg at all bcos you are D R U N K ?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Tell me what should I do? Should I continue to be angry or start to worry? Tell me.

2011-07-17T15:34:00.000-07:00

Honey I love you so. But pls don't take me for granted. Bcos one day I believe you'll feel the diff when I'm no longer ard. I did whatever I could just for you. Nth matters anymore. You made me feel everything seems wrong between us. I need someone to be by my side no matter what happens.

Can we last?

During the period I was sick and feeling so terrible. Where were you. Work is always your excuse. I really grew more tired each day. When are you available for me. When I was so sick hoping you would dropby just to see me. But u nv showed up. I'm learning to be independent and stronger each time shit happens.
I have a piece of good news but I couldn't share with you at all. I was pissed with you and you threw your temper back at me. Baby I just wanna let you know I'm sick and tired of such lifestyle. I couldn't go on anymore.

I will nv give in to you after all these things happen. We lead our own life. I feel we are just cyber/ tele couples. We nv meet up, but via SMS only. I grew tired alr. I do.

I hang on till now. Bcos I still rmb we solemnize and promise to love each other for life. It'll always be a part of my memories. I love you.

2011-07-06T00:33:00.000-07:00

Joe encourage me, made me really happy bcos what I did got recongise. The only one who doesn't appreciate me at all is my husband. I'm more disappointed then anything. To you, I'm a walking ATM. What I did cnt be compared to whatever little things you've done. 2years of sacrifices, I start to doubt myself will all these last? I feel helpless, really. I no longer think I know you well enough, whatever I do seem to be wrong to you. I love you, but I'm sick and tired of all these. I could have live better. Look what have i become?

I'm tired of making the first step to give in. It's always me, my fault. Everything has come to an end. FYI, my calves still Hurt badly. I give up.

2011-06-28T05:43:00.000-07:00

Ill take good care of myself. Hav a good rest and start working hard tmr.

2011-06-28T05:37:00.000-07:00

I use to say, I love you I like you tts why I ...... Those were the happy times.

Now, I realize our gap. I was being naive. I nv blame you when you cnt giv me anything. I nv blame you for any trouble you gave me. Look at all the stuff the memories I had given you. I've done more then what a gf should do.
I'm tired really. I really give up.

2011-06-27T22:56:00.000-07:00

Dont complain when we quarrel bcos of financial issue. Its fcuking disappointing when I work so hard and I got shoot by your lj wei. Why I still insisted in picking up the fcuking wedding package and get bugged by a fcuking faggot?

Whats the point for working so hard, requesting this and tt for my bosses? Oh, is it for me? Fcuk, get this right. If it wouldnt f0r me, we would survive this long actually. Yes, I know I pissed you off by telling you stop bugging me. Were you being fair in the first place? I gave you what you wanted. Shit happens, who to blame? Me again. Did you even put yourself in my shoes to even THINK?!!!
We got into this state, who to blame? I blame myself for being so naive.

Guess what? It was suppose to be a fcuking happy dating day for me? Jus bcos of all these stupid stuff, you told me we are not meeting anymore? Nvm fine, its always tt case anyway. I had enough ok, Im going to work tts all.
Im fcuking disappointed in you.

2011-06-27T01:24:00.000-07:00

Im back to usual 'hardworking' lifestyle. Well, Im enjoying it. Though Im n0t earning as much BUT at least I spend less time wasting money, or gambling. The staff at raining are not as pathetic as it used to be though theres some ppl I still dislike. The ppl there are jealous bcos I often get tips from customers every other day, and I dont have to drink, all I need to do is smile. How nice.

Met up with my ex sch mates recently. Meeting up quite often recently at raining.

Working in the day is stressful, as I have nv been in this line before. Got another job offer from a MLM company as a PA. If I could find a easy job, and good money of cos I'll leave dp concept. But Ginger and Boss is nice too. Its like a little family with other designers. Of cos, I had to show results. Its alittle hard, but Im worried I cnt manage.
I need plenty of rest. I muz have some self discipline to make sure I have sufficient amt of rest. No more partying ok? I've promise hubby.

Im so mad bout plastic surgery now. My frens and hubby is urging me not to do it. Prolly Ill do a nose job, a botox, liposuction, and boobs lift. I know I didnt have to do all these, but which woman doesnt wanna be pretty for the next 30 yrs?

2011-06-27T01:14:00.001-07:00

Club D

Happiest day in my life.

I love it when we sit down tgt and we discuss serious matters, and respect each others decision. I got a new camcorder! Shall use tt for our coming getaway trip.

2011-06-23T22:07:00.000-07:00

Tell me I will go crazy or not. Work is crappy. I start to fear I can't do well though everyone is encouraging me. I couldn't take the stress that I was actually giving myself.

Mr Lee and Mrs Lee. ♡♥♡♥

It sucks to the core when you know nuts. Everyone is bz doing their own stuff while you are sitting there slacking. It makes you feel damn useless. I hate tt kind of feelings.

I'm going thru a rough patch in life. It's gonna be the most expensive lesson I've learnt. I've lost many things in process. I've learnt to be humble and in exchange I got a lifetime partner to share my burden for the rest of my life.
I wanna thank my husband for being there for me when things are not going tt smoothly.

2011-06-22T09:57:00.000-07:00

Club Oceanz

2011-06-09T14:19:00.000-07:00

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

Bali package @ 100$!! Hubbyyyyyyyyyy~~

2011-06-09T13:16:00.000-07:00

Some random photos on my ROM. Hubby has been treating me real real nice ever since we got married. He hasn't gave in to me for a long long long time.

♥♥♥

Dined at Imperial Treasure and tt meal surely cost us a bomb. The night at one degree 15 was fantastic. Though hubby kept kicking me off to one side cos he doesn't like me hugging him to slp. The bathroom was W O W. Told hubby I want my toilet to be exactly the same as the room we stayed.
Put on plenty of weight. After the meal, fetch my family hm and went in to JB. Seafood feast with hubby and Jasvander.

Married life. 2nd day.

2011-06-04T08:25:00.000-07:00

I havent had so much of fun after so long. Drank, and dance like no ones business. Though there are many many houseflies I wanna slap. I wish I could at least go out like tt just once a mth. ):

2011-06-04T07:18:00.000-07:00

Melvin Oh: no need to work huh?
Me: HAHAHA J O B L E S S lehh.
no need stand outside see ur cso got work anot ah?
Melvin Oh: wahahahahahahahahaha sure anot?
no need cos my office got ccvt
haha
Me: of cos. need borrow money from u alr. no work no money..
Melvin Oh: haha ryan got alot
haha
Me: he got no money one leh. so i intend to borrow from u to roll first. if successful return u double. hahaha
Melvin Oh: haha u two same wan
Me: of cos. tts why call couple.

"Thats why we are called a couple"

There's a million of things I stressed about. But I have nv ever told u anything before. You nv know how I felt.

2011-05-31T11:50:00.000-07:00

I love u.

2011-05-31T10:34:00.000-07:00

I jus wanna be happy. Is it so hard?

2011-05-31T09:43:00.000-07:00

You ever wondered why on earth you are so fcuking unreasonable and ridiculous? Nah, you nv, bcos right till the end the whole fcuking prob lies with me. Im expected to give in no matter what happens right? Who on earth will ask his own wife to wear a fcuking leopard print dress as rom dress? Or a fcuking beach dress? I mean WTF?!! I was wrong to comment tt your choice is ridiculous only? You cnt accept whatever i say. Or rather whatever i say always seems wrong to you. And you mean by sitting down at the side swallowing every single fcuking tears of mine is wrong? Stop telling me you giving me to me. "so you expect me to see you sitting over here and cry" or "ill keep my mouth shut and ill not comment on anything bcos im giving in to u"

Stop telling me you always give me what i wan. True enough, you did giv me what i wan most of the time. I dont mind rom being simple. But did you even do your part? You told my dad anything? Did you ever give me an assurance though this rom is simple but you will promise a fcuking grand wedding? Have you ever assured me anything to keep my mind peace? I doubt so. I have a week left. This is an once in a lifetime thing and im still giving in to you due to the probs we are facing now. Aint i gd enough? Knowing what i wan, why still bother to ask? Eg. Did i ever asked you if you would like a mont blanc wallet, key pouch or a lv belt or whatever? Hello, bcos i KNOW you wanted it but cnt bear to spend and i know u needed a wallet tts why i bought it. Why? Bcos u lost your wallet! Dont u understand the point of understand your love ones and knowing what they wan. But u? U nv tried understand for once what exactly i wan frm u. Or rather u didnt giv me any assurance to make me feel secure.

Right from the start, i dont need anyone to tell me how gd/ relax is ur current job bcos i know. Deep in my heart i understand. But which girl would lik her bf to b wrking in a club full of attractions. Seriously i wouldnt mind. MANY unhappy stuff happened on me before and it still haunts me. Dont fcuking compare other ppls wife with me. They live tgt whereas we are not. You promised to find a day job hoping to earn more to ease our burden. But its been 6 mths. Have u found any? Did you bother to send any resume? What are ur promises? What did u told linda before we left to genting? I doubt u rmb too. You are always bz slping or your wrk stuff.
Frankly speaking, you can feel free to forgo this tree and look for other trees in the forest. I dont hav to mention any sacrifices tt ive made or anguish ive gone thru or the tough times we hav in the past.

Ive given up explaining every single thing to u. U hav every reason/ excuse/ stories u can think of. Why bother to fight back knowingly i cnt win u over all these? Knowing u are lying, tt girl wasnt your sec sch fren, u can still throw your temper on me when i was NEVER at fault i still giv in to u. Seriously i nv realised we had so much of probs between us until now. Why am i always doing the job and you were the one doing the talking. Im tired too. We are drifting apart.

2011-05-29T07:24:00.000-07:00

Mr.Lee has a new pet name. PORK-y. ( He didn't like me calling him pork chop. ) LOL.

Had the best meal after so long. I won't slim down in this rate FML.

2011-05-29T07:15:00.000-07:00

2011-05-28T12:55:00.001-07:00

I haven't been so stressed up after so long. 9 more days before I'm legally Mrs. Lee.

I've stayed at home, or rather haven't been holding a proper job that could last me a week or so. Things start to change after tt event at xmas eve. Prolly there's no way I could find a better job in Big Orange. Well, I started working in a credit company, well the colleagues there were ok, food there was bullshit, otherwise everything is fine. I can even meet up with my darling, Linda for dinner whenever I'm free. What can I ask for? Ok, if I could ask for higher basic salary like how much I used to draw a month.

Rom date is drawing nearer. Dinner with family at one degree 15 marina club. But I haven't got my dress, my shoes, EVERYTHING at all.
We booked a TW photoshoot package, and will be flying over in Sept. Time seems to fly so quickly and I'm turning 22 real soon. ):

2011-05-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

Everything starts all over again. 2 more weeks to see the real colour before I step into this tomb of death. I wanna make sure my choice is correct and I will never regret it.

The quarrels starts over and over again, over the same thing. Did you even care for me? Or do I even mean anything to you at all? You are not the only one who is tired. I am tired and I'm still trying my best to give in to you, apologising for some shit that I didn't do at all, and doing all my best to fix all the flaws in this relationship.. What were you doing? Pushing the blames on me, pin pointing me for pointing fingers at you when you are actually at fault also? Maybe its enough, I shouldn't have done so much at all. Afterall no one cares at all.

What is the point when someone wants to hear your explainations and trying to understand you from your situation but all you receive is just a 'OK' or 'anything' or 'up to you'. Frankly speaking, that is the last thing you wanna hear from someone you actually care. Yeah, I'm always pointing fingers at you. Look who is at fault?

Which bf on earth will quarrel with you when he hurt himself in reservist, whereas you got hit by a car though it didn't kill me? Your own husband to be could even reply you, 'your case more jialat, I lose.' WTF, are you trying to say I'm trying to gain sympathy from you?
Which bf on earth pick a fight with you without a valid reason? AND EXPECTS YOU TO PACIFY HIM? and when you are trying so hard to pacify him, apologising to him when you didn't do a FCUKING THING, he picks on everything you said and starts another quarrel with you again? But you had to lowen your pride and beg him? You smile and pacify him when your tears are at the verge of falling and he blames your for crying?
Which bf on earth would tell you he wouldn't want to see your fcuking face anymore *he said the word FCUKING. When you still smile to him, seeking for his forgiveness when he lied to you and when some fcuking slut text him and he didn't see there is any prob with it and it wasn't the first time.
Save it really. If this relationship is going on like that, we should put a stop to it.

It doesn't matter anymore when you say you are not gonna be heartless and leave me alone. It doesn't matter anymore when you say are not going to hurt me and love me till the end of time. It doesn't matter anymore when you say we are going to spend our life tgt for the rest of our life. It doesn't matter anymore if you care or not. It doesn't matter if you gonna fight for our future or not. It doesn't matter how much I cared for you, its always been taken granted for.

In your eyes, I am never good enough for you. From the first time, you met up with a big prob, I didn't stood back and see, but I think of ways, sacrificing things for your sake. I knew you were the one for me. We often talk bout marriage and promises. We had plenty and plenty of plans and goals. We listed everything down, complete every single thing one by one. We were poor but happy. I have nv asked much though he nv gave me much before.
All these years, things changed. We had happy times tgt before. We are back to poverty. Now, 2 weeks before our ROM, we realised everything seems to be wrong. You nv admit your wrongdoings. You are no longer the man I used to love. Quarrels and arguments, and money issues. Did everything came at the wrong time? Or it was a wrong decision?

2011-05-26T06:11:00.000-07:00

爱并没有教给我生存
只教我交易虚荣给天真
可是爱让我们变成陌生人
却变不了更高尚的灵魂

2011-05-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

I really feel ashamed of myself. I used to blame Mr. Lee for gambling and never ever controlled himself for losing. Now I realised I was in the same situation as him. I didn't stop gambling. I need to reflect on myself and work even harder.

Yeah, the amount is not as BIG as his, and the fact that I never like losing in any ways before (no one does). Money was never an issue to him be it he has money or not. No matter how much he dislike, he always allow me to do what I wanna do and always there to support me no matter what happens as long as I'm happy. Whereas, I never did such a thing when something happens. I always blame him for everything. But he promised to be my side no matter what happens, because we gonna solve it together.

We are facing doom at the moment. First, our ROM is coming in 2 weeks time and I haven't prepared anything at all. 2 weeks later, we will change our status to husband and wife. We will exchange rings and will be staying with each other for the rest of my life. Mr. Lee, I miss you badly. I don't know how to explain myself, but I'm really sorry for whatever I have done that hurt you before.
I'm ashamed for what I have done to hurt you and promise I will never do anything or use any hurtful words to hurt you anymore. I promise I will turn over a new leaf and I will not throw my princess temper without any reason. I know I'm a wilful girl but I will promise to be a good wife, a good mother to be.

I miss you badly..

2011-05-10T15:16:00.000-07:00

I wasn't being unreasonable, but realistic. I have never grumbled anything that you promised when you failed to fulfill anything. It'll be a fcuking old grandmother story if I mention everything again. AND don't complain 'bt my bad/short temper, lets not even mention 'bt my fcuking fcuking bad/short temper two yrs ago because it cannot be compared from now. Get over it baby, stop picking on my 'improved' bad temper. Instead you should compliment me tt I have changed, you should be glad.

I'm going through some shit, but its gonna be over real real soon. I'm jobless, and penniless. I've spent more then what I'm supposed to spend, I'm sorry. I'm starting my new job on Thurs, and I promised hubby not to play mahjong that often. Of course I promised to save and scrimp instead of buying more brandeds, or waste more money on iphone covers though I have only one phone. -.-''

Time passes damn quickly and guess what. I'm officially Mrs. Lee in less than one month time. I'm looking forward yet afraid. Wedding preparations is so much of hassle and I haven't started doing anything, not mentioning discussions with our parents. Ok, I got my wedding bands alr. I'm stressed up, I need a dress on that day and I haven't found it! Hubb will be on reservist next week and I won't be seeing him for the whole week. ): Looks like I need to do some stuff myself alr.

Sometimes some things are worth waiting. Every week I'm looking forward for hub's off days. Spent quality time with hubb these two days. Happy, and contented. Hiakhiakhiak. We tried spending time tgt, WITHOUT entering casino this week. Well, at least we didn't think of entering that place. Mj, mustafa, and then chalet.
Movie marathon on Tues. Caught the lost blademan and FAF5. W O W to the cars. I always have a fetish on sport cars since young. Hubby says he's gonna get a sportcar to fetch me after the gate crashing on our big day. Hiakhiak.

2011-05-07T12:48:00.000-07:00

I'm flipping through the photos we took years ago. Millions of stuff racing through my mind.

The first thing that popped out was, when are you quitting? Look, you promised me this and that, but none was fulfilled. I kept quiet and nv breathe out a word. I know I told you, I gave you permission to continue working. Seriously, I really had enough of all these. Without doubts, which girl would feel secure if your own bf is working in a club. Ya, I'm insecure, you can say I'm feel inferior, whatever. I have come out to a point that you can either choose the job or me.

We talked bout our coming ROM. I'm really excited, but does it changes anything? Our lifestyle? Sometimes I feel doing all these stuff is redundant. Why do I need a 'married' status for when everything remains. Why do I need a 'married' status when I don't even have the confidence to believe you if you will cheat on me again? WTF is with contacting other girls behind my back and making up another story to lie to me for the 2nd or the 3rd time? Seriously, I don't know. I don't want ended it up with a divorce. Love isn't everything. I don't want a status only, I want everything to be perfect. I'm not asking much, but you didn't understand what I wanted at all, or rather you can't give me much at all.

I accept everything to a certain point that one day maybe I could live with/without you. I can accept loneliness, poverty, wealth, being independent just by myself. I'm tired, too tired to ask for anything from you anymore.

2011-05-03T07:03:00.000-07:00

I need some movitations. I used to give excuses for not staying in a company for more den 3months. Yeah, bcos I stayed in lifebrandz gor bout 3yrs. Hubb says it's bcos I didn't enjoy working in tt environment or I cnt get along with my colleagues. But I don't have any probs with tt at all. Yeah after quitting Big Orange I got lazier. Even Kelvin asked me to work at BQ I didn't wan too. Where did my movitations gone? I used to work and work non stop, and I had to juggle with 3 jobs. But now? I don't even have a single job at all.

I seriously needs to ban myself from going all casinos.

2011-04-30T04:08:00.000-07:00

Tell me it's not worth doing so much for you. Yeah I did it on purpose for being unreasonable and screaming at you. Anyway does it matter? You will nv feel tt it's your fault also. Hah. You chose to play mj till 1840.
Suit you. I've been giving in to you alot and you're taking me for granted. I had enough.

2011-04-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

You know, I saw this tweet. I could say, it's especially for you. :)

Stop praising yourself how 'atas' you can be. I'm a typical CAL, so what?
Oh did I mention toilet describes u best?

Lol.

2011-04-24T13:01:00.000-07:00

I wanna upload one photo that I have edited. Specially for my 肥猫猫.

I don't know why I just feel fcukin terrible. Prolly I had the wrong painkiller again. My head hurts fcuking badly now and I'm having rashes. I'm dragging myself to wrk tmr. How Niceeee. Sadly, hubby is dragging me to see a doc now at 5am in e morning. I feel fcuking tired.

Had a super good time with hubby jus now. We played non stop. Hubby fire-man me, made me feel fcuking dizzy. The thought of that made me wanna have a house of our own real soon. Sadly we can't have our 二人世界 bcos hubby wans a baby in e yr of dragon. :( I cnt imagine how life will be in future. But being with someone you love so dearly, nth matters anymore. In this lifetime, can you find someone else to go through the same hardship, holding hands tight walking through the darkness? I'm lucky I did. It's worthwhile.

2011-04-22T19:09:00.001-07:00

I'm not a big winner in life. But I like winning. That's me. Some people feel I'm a sore loser, too bad folks. But 'lose' is nv in my dictionary. Miao and I were talking bout my BEST friend ytd, I know we ae fcuking childish. Sometimes I'm wondering should be pity my best friend or laugh at my best friend.

Look, I'm not being sore or envious. Come on, I'm earning this much a month. I'm getting married, and hubby got a promotion and has a gOod increment. What else can I ask for? Do I still have to compare anything? I'm happier then before. Every month I'm looking forward for my pay slip.

It's gonna be a hectic week. I have to get rdy my wedding preparations before I can change my job. So hubby pls don't be lazy anymore. Wedding date is nearing.

2011-04-21T22:55:00.000-07:00

I'm getting sick and tired of my daily routine. Slp, wrk, eat, gamble. Hubby is not around to accompany me. Indulge myself in mahjong. Seriously, so what I win every other days. Yeah, people say I could survive just by playing mj, more then what I'm drawing currently. I need plans, I need goals.

I'm fcuking tired.

2011-04-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

Don't text me and threaten me. Seriously I hated u. Hated the hurtful things that you said. I couldn't forgive you. You mention you don't wish to see me anymore, and mention a breakup. Why don't you just break up. I'm not happy we are getting a flat next year. I no longer know how to live with you, for life. Sorry is not everything.

I run after you when you walk off. You were the one who left me there alone. Look at my eyes. Its swollen and red. I hate you. I hate myself more for loving you. I use to be so afraid that you would leave me. I finally realise I wasn't. Then what was the point of getting married and getting a new house. I really don't know.

2011-04-19T03:01:00.000-07:00

i love you, but does it matter?

I sent my resume to somewhere, looking for a better prospect. Leave this place without any memories. Yes, I took the fucking sentence really seriously. I removed everything, no longer looking forward for anything. My eyes are swollen, it hurts badly. But what did I get? I'm left alone, heartbroken. Thanks.

Fuck everything. Fuck myself for giving in to you for everything.

2011-04-18T17:27:00.000-07:00

The one that I cried most for, is the one I love most.

'I don't wish to see you anymore, stop gaining sympathy, and stop acting pitiful.' Prolly its the most hurtful words I ever hurt. My tears couldn't stop. I don't need anyone to pity. I chose the guy that I love, the guy that I wanna spend my whole life with.
I quarrelled with you. I choose to lie and said I'm hungry, and I'm glad to see you eat. I walked off, smiled to you as though nth had happen. My tears couldn't stop, my heart hurts. You followed me all the way till home and chose to quarrel with me. I smiled and apologise. Sorry doesn't work anymore, no matter how much I said is nv enough. I dote you, I gave you everything I have, you always have your way. You wan mj, I let you go without letting you worry a single thing. You are tempted to go casino, without doubt I chose to step in with you even you swear nv to gamble anymore, even in Genting. You wanted stuff, I think of ways. You wanted a Rolex long time ago, I search all over the web to look for a Rolex that you like. I gave in to you no matter what happens. But you nv appreciated me before. I'm tired of giving everything and smiling to you even I had so much to anger and sadness inside me and I still gave you my 100% trust.

It's our 20th month anniversary. Indeed, you didn't care either. Don't tell me its the worst anniversary ever. You didn't remember it in the first place. Whereas, I prepared the long long sms on Sun already.
Thanks for walking off and telling me hurtful stuffs. Thanks for leaving me there alone. Thanks for GIVING IN TO ME by walking off. Thank you for every hurtful stuff you gave me today. Afterall, you didn't care. You made me look like a fool. Thanks.

Tears will dry up and I will also get tired. I've been a very good gf, a perfect gf that you wanted me to be.

From the saddest girl in the world.

2011-04-08T21:52:00.000-07:00

I saw this at twitter. Every girl whats to hear her boyfriend say "The next girl I'll ever love will be our daughter.

It will nv be applied on me, my husband loves boys. He's born in ancient china and sexual discriminate CHARBOS only. Hurhur

2011-04-08T11:16:00.000-07:00

I'm annoyed, with myself. Hubby didn't blame me but I feel fcuking bad, seriously.

Guess what am I thinking? First I tried to accommodate hubby's off days so we can go out on streets to have some fun. I was wondering he could excuse himself from work. It's been long we stayed at home and watch some DVDs. Whip up some dish for dinner. Hehe. I changed one of my shift with my colleague. Hiakhiakhiak. Mon I can acc him, and will arrange a day mj session for him. We can fix a appointment to check out the wedding boutiques we are interested in. Tues, we can go out and have breakfast, prolly go swimming before I start work. But I doubt so, cause I'm fcukin lazy to move. He can play night game to keep him occupied. Things planned sweeswee. Thurs Melvin approved his leave and he can accompany me again!! This time we will shop around delfi and have terpanyaki!! I'm craving for it.

I'm hungry and I'm craving for ave 8's mincemeat porridge and escargot!! But I need to lose MORE weight!! 5more kg to go only. Hmmmm.

It's a fri night. I finish my mj and headed home alone. It happens on every week from wed to sat. I'm waiting for his call, but I know he's really busy,because he didn't reply my text. I really hope sun he can off.

Mr WW Laogong, I miss u badly. I don't wanna keep complaining just like how u compare me and her. I wanna do my best, being a wife and give what you need. It'll be a 60 years contract we have actually signed. Contract will expire in year 2069. I love you

2011-04-07T20:37:00.000-07:00

I can't believe my husband showed his boss, Melvin Oh my blog! WTF.

I can't wait to find a new job instead of facing ppl I HATED so much everyday. Blame it on your own cb mouth and your lj sey and you are fucking arrogant PLUS you're a fucking designer only. I'll use money to slap on your face one day. hah so pls dont bother to talk to me.

I desperately needs rest and I feel terribly unwell. Can't mc, can't do anything. I'm going Simon's to have a nap first. I'm thinking of going on a short trip again. Prolly I should look for a 5day work week job again. THOUGH it's near to my hse. I need a pay rise and more time to acc my husband, TRYING my best to accommodate his schedule and his stupid timing.
Its finally 12 noon. I stood here, falling asleep. I think its time, for a change. A new job with nice ppl.

2011-04-07T02:30:00.001-07:00

Seriously I feel like throwing my phone at your fucking face. I'm fucking pissed off with you and you don't know it at all? I told myself to forgive and forget. So are you interrogating me or concern bout me. I seriously can't stand you anymore. It's been fucking fourth day.

Why should I bother your present, our wedding and all other stuff. Look how I replied u. If u cared, u will asked long time ago. Nvm. I'm fucking pissed off and I really hated talking to you for the moment. Do you know how much anger I've stored inside and I'm about to explode soon. I had to smile in front of yur friends and make everyone feel I'm a fucking happy bride to be? My foot. The next person who pissed me off will get thrown down from the tenth floor.

2011-04-06T23:37:00.001-07:00

Look! I found your 25 year old birthday present. Nvm. We will see how first?

2011-04-06T20:31:00.000-07:00

Laoniang is super duper angry now. Angry bout everything. Hah, menopause lahh

2011-04-06T20:24:00.000-07:00

Toni is crap, Karen is bullshit and christopher is plain shit.

Ok, experience matters. So? Does it mean you can do whatever you want? Sadly, I don't give anyone of your face. U can do tons of stunt but does it matter?I did the same stuff in front of Indra. Or you can come back whenever you wan after MIA for a week? AND you text us said you'll come today and you aeroplane us?
Lastly, go fuck yourself, everyone of you.

2011-04-04T20:54:00.000-07:00

I wish I could stab u a million times and get away with it.

And what u plan, u nv seems to accomplish it. I gave up. Yes I feel lik stabbing u a million times. Do u hav any idea how much I hated you?

2011-04-04T12:35:00.000-07:00

Omg. A night at MBS at 200plus only??????

Hubby are u thinking wad I'm thinking?

2011-04-04T11:40:00.000-07:00

May I love you?

Hubb and I was supposed to dye and cut our hair and shop for wedding packages. We haven't done any of that, instead we went on a couple date with Miao and bk. Went to Shangri la, The Line. had our first international buffet. Pics will be uploaded soon! It's a big joke when the boys are discussing bout mj and competing who ate more. -.-
Prolly the best hangout place we ever went.

Guess wad. I was thinking prolly I should hang out with the girls on hens night. Chuanie and I was discussing bout it. Hubb wants me to think of the guestlist. That was the biggest headache I ever had. I was thinking if we should postpone the date. It feels weird whenever I think I'm bout to get married! I do enjoy the process. Buying wedding bands, search for gowns and wedding packages last but not least pur honeymoon and the plans of having a baby in the year of dragon.
AND jobless for FOUR YEARS to look after Mr. Lee's precious child. Provided he can earn more then wad he's earning now. Teehee.

Anyway me and Miao came to a conclusion. Disappointing. The same scenario when I was in pri two?

Work was crappy. Paperwork, sales and even the simplest thing is done by me only. I like e environment, but I'm looking for a HIGHER income job again?!! Lol. Indra says we'll hav plenty of opportunities at the later part. Our off days, our increments and positions as well. Well I would prefer being in the office shaking leg. But if I could stay at home shake leg how great can it be.

God, giv me a chance to get rich soon!

2011-04-02T12:07:00.000-07:00

YEAH! HUBBY IS OFF TMR!!!!

First I'm damn excited. I LOVE MELVIN TTM! He gave off days and OIL for Hubby. It means MORE TIME SPENT TGT. Miao finally got the chance to perform tmr. Me, WJ, Hubby and Miao, is going to play mj tgt. (But diff table lahh) and we are going prawning after tt!

Mon, pre-celebration for Miao's b.day. Got a gift for her, hiakhiakhiak. Gonna go for international buffet, but we've yet reserved or check on it. Mj tonight, L O S E. FUCK. Where is my lucky lucky cards? Back to Mon, we are going central to peep @ the booth Joyceline said. Gonna do something to my hair. New hair colour, new hair cut, AGAIN.

Can't wait for June to come. Tiff and Miao gave precious advise for ROM and wedding. Looking for a puurrfect gown. Found our wedding bands, and my solitaire ring alr. :D

Lastly, I wanna tell you, I love you, hubby.

2011-04-01T10:48:00.000-07:00

Tatas. New skin.

Work, mahjong, sleep. Everything is like a routine. Work is bored, everyone took turns to take MCs, urgent leave all sorts of excuses. Well, I didn't bother too. I'm in charge of all the administrative stuff, and of course, everytime I'm on MC, ok I self-claimed MC. -.-''

I feel stressed up and upset. I know I'm temperamental sometimes, but its damn hard to control my emotions. I searching for a perfect solitaire ring, but I can't decide it in pink sapphire and diamondsssss, or a 1 carat diamond solitaire ring, and then I found this solitaire ring I love. Hurhur.

Wedding bands
Solitaire ring .

We have half a yr to plan for our ROM. We have another half a yr to plan for our banquet and baby, and 2 more years for our new hse. So much hassle just to get married. ^^

Hubb says we are going Delfi to look for bridal studios and search for packages for our pre wedding photoshoot and honeymoon. I realise UOB has Uni points for me to exchange airtix and hotels. Needa book the tix quick as they are rising almost everyday.

Hubb is pissed off now @ work. Hiakhiakhiak

2011-03-30T15:40:00.000-07:00

I hate to say this, but some ppl produces shit from their mouth more then their ass. Nvm. I hated work.

Hubb says tt I wont have to work until dragon baby is turns 4. Woohoo! It means, I can still be a p/t mj player. LOL. Terms and conditions applied.

Asked for consult, Chuanie recommend me tons and tons of stuff for the wedding thingy. Well, we decided to ROM first, and get our own hse. Of course, it includes dragon baby, me, hubb, new hse, and new car.
Recently, I became v.v.tempermental. I dont know why, and I don wanna know why too. Prolly we got good times tgt, period. Good times nv last too. I miss Marrybrown, and bak kut teh in Genting. Lewis got into an accident, plans got screwed up, but luckily Lewis is fine.
Me and Linda is planning a KL trip soon, for shopping! Prolly we can go up to Genting for a night or two, A G A I N. Hiakhiakhiak.

Sometimes I really had enough of your nonsenses. I mean, its not I haven't done enough, and Im not trying gain sympathy or something. Prolly in your heart, Im labelled as a carrot, or rather a dumbass. I really cant stand you anymore. A part of me tells me to stay. but the picture showed me everything. U're not worth for me to stay.
Lazy to quarrel? Anything whatever you wanna say? Doesnt bother u much?
I had protected you from everything. Its ok tt you dont wanna change, becos my world doesnt revolve ard you. My heart broke, I have no more strength to fight for you. To think, I chose to go thru everything with u when shit happens? Hah, how naive I am. The stuff is settled.

Im tired.

2011-03-30T04:09:00.000-07:00

Is it my fucking fault bcos u repeated wad u said. Wait, when shit happens, u promised to quit immediately. I know it, it happens a million times. When everything blow over, everything goes back to normal, same goes to ur lanjiao pattern.
It's my fault when u repeat stuff? Nvm, it's wrong, being sweet and nice to u bcos it nv pays to be so nice to you. Anyway, no matter wad happens, it's always my fault. Too sick to point fingers. I got used to it.

2011-03-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

u know wad? u're fucking childish. (:

u can go on BITCHING. Get a life.

Go on ranting on your wall. Move on with your life cos no one really bothers a shit bout you. YOUR BEST FRIEND BITCH ABOUT YOU TOO. (:
oh, start using your brains den ur mouth.

2011-03-26T09:37:00.000-07:00

7 Signs He's Ready For Marriage

Some men plop down on their knee and ask the magical "Will you marry me" question within a year of dating, while some are still taking things slow after five. It's hard to put a time stamp on everything, least of all relationships. And there's no right or wrong standard -- it really depends on the couple.

But as you're waiting for your guy to pop the question, how do you know that he's really in it for the long haul? Look for these signs that say he's ready to spend the rest of his life with you.

1. He's keen on couple time

If he's ditching time with the guys in favor of being with you, it's a sign that he's strongly committed to the relationship. It's not healthy to spend 24/7 together though, so there should be some balance between spending time with you and having outside interests to focus on.

2. He respects you

Does he listen to what you have to say? Is he willing to compromise to keep you happy? These are signs that he's respectful of you and cares about your feelings.

3. You're making long term plans together

When he discusses his future, does he speak solely about himself or include you in his potential plans? If he's talking more about "me" than "us", it suggests that he's not thinking about your relationship in the long term. If you're already actively making long term plans like buying a home, rest assured that most men won't want to enter into this kind of commitment without being completely sure that you're going to stay together.

4. He's getting his finances in order

Men often like to be financially secure before they feel comfortable making a long term commitment so if he's started looking at pension plans and other long term financial provisions, there's a good chance that he's preparing for a future that doesn't only involve himself.

5. You're always on the guest list for family events

Regularly being invited to spend time with his close family is a sign that he wants you to be involved in his world. Most guys wait until they're sure that the relationship has a future before they start introducing you to family and friends so it's a promising sign if you're a regular fixture at family gatherings. On a similar note, it's a good sign if he's also making a big effort to be involved with your family and friends as it shows that he wants both of you to play an important role in each other's lives.

6. He does a lot of the running

Does he take the initiative a lot in the relationship or is it you who's doing all of the work?

7. His friends are settling down

Peer pressure can be a big factor in influencing when a man is ready to make a long term commitment. If most or all of his friends are making trips down the aisle, he may decide that it's high time he did the same.

****************

Is He Marriage Material?

Is your partner really worth walking down the aisle with?

ans quiz:

This guy needs a wake-up call!

This is a hard pill to swallow, but your current guy is taking you way too much for granted. Neither is he thinking long-term about the two of you. "If his designs on his future go too far without mentioning you and the life you want to live, then in fifteen years' time he may be living solo," says Susan Swimmer, author of Is He The One?

His spending habits probably tell the same story, too: That he's pretty nonchalant about the future. "It doesn't matter if he's a gazillionaire or a minimum wager, what makes all the difference is how he handles what he has," adds Swimmer, and you want a guy who works honestly, saves responsibly, and spends sensibly.

Bottom line: If you truly love him, it's time to have a serious talk about your future together -- where you're headed, what your plans are, and what you expect from your partner. Hopefully, this will be a wakeup call for your guy. But if he's not on the same page when it comes to your relationship, stop wasting your time and get outta there -- you deserve better.

2011-03-26T05:48:00.000-07:00

It's been almost two years. I'm sitting alone now, thinking of all the past. It still haunts me till today. I remembered we were together for 5months only. I gave up everything for you but u betrayed my trust and left me a big scar. Out of a sudden, I got no confidence in getting married at all. I don't know if such stuff happens in ten years time or not. I really don't dare to commit myself at all. Its a huge gamble and I'm taking my life commitment as stake now. I'm afraid, but u nv understands.

What should I do now?

2011-03-24T03:03:00.000-07:00

不要吻我只要抱着我
不要爱我做我的亲人
把手借我一天一分钟
做我最亲密的亲人

Kinship. I remembered how we get to know each other, I remembered our fav pasttime, I remembered everything. From stranger, to a friend, to lovers, now my closest next kin to be.

I love you.

2011-03-21T20:10:00.000-07:00

Movie date with hubby, miaooy and wen jie. The prefect rival was crap. Without doubts, they were talking bout some love stories 28yrs before with some weird weird scene and some weird weird language. The joke between hubby and wenjie was everything he intro-ed, everything he bought seems to be out of stock if not the rest was crap.
Supposed to play mj ytd, but hubby wanted to bring me out. <3.

Went prawning, had a little girls talk when we are prawning. Even the boys joined the gossiping session.

Anyway, Stupids always like to act smart. (; I got no idea why too. But nvm, tt was e joke tt brightens up my day.

4 more days and we'll be going to genting with Linda, Lewis and hubby. Hiakhiakhiak

2011-03-19T04:28:00.000-07:00

I woke up feeling so pissed off and I didn't know why. I start to ponder, wondering if I made the right choice. I'll be officially, legally married on 7th June. I'm scared and worried, being Mrs. Lee. It's like signing a contract for at least 60yrs. No mistakes allowed, even there is, there's no longer such thing as breaking up anymore.

What worries me most is, Staying tgt there bound to have frictions. Good thing that his parents are not living with us, if not there will be MORE frictions. Sad enough, my husband to be always has his say, at times he didn't really bother how I feel or what am I thinking. I'm not trying to ask him leave his parents but we're old enough to leave on our own. Old enough do start doing everything by ourself. (say only, cos I know I won't do it either). But it's a new chapter in life, you're off flying by yourself, and it's your turn to look for worms to feed your baby, not waiting for your parents to feed u worms anymore.

I saw these 2 particular rings I fall in love with. In fact there's 3 I loved. I found one engagement ring, set with pink sapphires and diamonds. And a pair of wedding bands. That cause me less den 1.5k. Staff discount.... Teehee.

Work is tiring bcos there isnt anything for us to do. And Im working with someone I don't really like too. That is another reason why am I blogging now. 2more hrs to go, and agree to help Kelvin at bq too. Intended to get some food for hubby before going home later. Or maybe we can go home tgt.
It's like a routine. Working in the day, knock off, play mj. If not finish working, work at bq. Prolly I should start relaxing and let my husband to be to do that. I doubt it too, he's too lazy. He sleeps in the morning, and I have to wake him up one hr before his work. Whatever he said, I got used to it bcos he always LIKE to say he'll fulfill it but nv done it once before.
Sometimes I don't see the point being Tgt.
When asking for forgiveness, he could promise all kind of stuff. After forgiving, everything goes back to norm. It's normal anyway. It happens thousand of times when everything still goes back to the same when everything is over, or anything that he promises.

2011-03-16T21:35:00.001-07:00

I hate this particular guy at work. He's stuckup, and hethinks he's fucking fucking experience TTM. Ok, he has a little experience. He do everything he wants. The prob is, he like to Kay siao!!!! Work this shift den jus come any shift he likes. So fake. Cannot stand. Sadly, me and another new guy always bad mouth him and I'll tell him off in front of his fucking face. Plans shitty schedule, He likes to chase away all the customer we serves. AND he hasn't sold anything but he say he did! Puiiiiiiii. I hope another store could open soon so I won't get to see him anymore.

2011-03-16T21:22:00.000-07:00

Fml ttm.

Things to do:
1. Check out ALL Taipei's bridal studio for pricing.
2. Keep a lookout on cheap airfares during sept.
3. Hubby needs to meet up Gavin to take brochures on wedding packages in Taiwan.
4. Prepare a dress for ROM
5. Look for wedding bands. (buy from own company, cheaper)
6. A engagement ring.
7. Book appointment for manicure.
8. LOSE WEIGHT.
9. Break the news to dad. -.-
10. Call banks.
11. Look for a high pay job, again.

In 3 months time.

2011-03-15T05:29:00.000-07:00

I cried, I vented my anger. I decided to move on, and it gets better each time. I hope u learnt a v.v.v.precious lesson. Bcos I'm here, standing back to help you tide over everything.

I felt better after complaining everything to miao and I know, everyone will get angry too. I'm not trying to tell everyone, but I jus hope I can feel better. But did i ever spoil ur image in front of my best friends or parents. Ya, it's true, we can afford this amount of money, 10 over thousand is not a v.v.v.big amount. But it also meant a lot to us also, our wedding preparation. I know we can still afford it.
I've figure out where our pay should go to this month. Pls don't spoil e plans anymore.
We hav a solemnisation to hold, Wedding bands to shop, our new hm deposit, find a place to stay, baby plans, wedding photos at Taiwan, by next yr.

But sometimes, u neglected my feelings.

Which parents would not give their child blessing when they get married? I wish my parents could be the witness of my solemnisation. I know it's between both of us. But, I wish ur dad would come too, but u haven't break the news to him yet. It's so saddening when u told me ur parents are not coming.

I've find ways to solve everything. I nv ask much from you, but pls I need u to 安分守己 only.

2011-03-07T12:45:00.000-08:00

I did a mistake tt hurts my hubby alot. I regretted and hope he really will forgive me. Well, I know I had to show some determination to change. It's not difficult. It's time to tame myself down, in order to last the r/s.

I nv mention. We spent our whole day really happily. We took public transport tgt. We talk bout our honeymoon and wedding photos tgt. Our rom date. So many things. The day didn't hav a gd ending. It's all my stupid, impulsive actions tt end it up lik tt. I hate myself, I hate my temper. Bcos of all these, tt explains our arguments. Ryan is prolly the best bf I ever hav. The one tt I prolly think of marrying only. He gave me everything I ask for without complains for exchange of my laughter and smile. Today, it's the first time I ever regret wad I am doing. Thou he wasn't tt romantic, or rich, he uses heart to treat me. This dawn me up after today's argument. I'll change, more determine to change bcos of him. I mean it this time.
Ryan dotes me so much, and love me. I don't wish to see him sad bcos of me anymore. I'll wrk harder, to change my temper, and be his good wonderful wife for his rest of his life. Bcos I love him so too.

Baby I know u will b reading this. I mean it. I'll nv do stuff lik this to hurt u and myself. I'll dote u jus lik hw u dote me. I'll b a cutecute jus lik hw u always lik me to be. I promise. For the v.v.v.last time. I'm no longer saying it for fun. So pls trust me for the v.v.v.last time. I just wanna tell u u are still the v.best hubby I love and will nv let u go. I'm sry for hurting u again and again. I'll promise it'll b the last argument in our life. I love u my dearest husband to be. Mr lee.

From ur beloved wife,
Mrs Lee Jasmine.

2011-03-05T03:00:00.000-08:00

its the second time. The second time tt we quarrel and i send u many msges but no reply. I no longer feel heartache or upset. Dont tell me u love me, i was nv gd enough for u. Anyway, i had enough also. I pacify u all these while. I hav no say at all. Thanks

2011-03-02T23:21:00.000-08:00

Its nt u did something wrong. But I can't help getting angry whenever ur phone rings u hav to cover it up first. Who won't be suspicious. I can't help being so paranoid. I'm angry I'm angry I'm angry.. Fucking fucking angry.

2011-03-01T12:08:00.000-08:00

Today is e happiest day after these few wks of quarrelling. Surprisingly,I got pay from Aura which is quite a lot, and Big orange still pays me though I MIA. Hiokhiokhiok. Feb is a long and special mth for me. The first time I stepped into a casino, we quarrelled thousands of times, we broke up and patch back again. It was saddening and damn disappointing when no one is willingly to give in to each other.

Sadly, we overslept and didn't manage to go dating and shopping. Honey made an effort to pick me up after work, waited for me for at least an hour or two. Catch 'I am no.4', mbs, finally after so long, hubb finally can patpat me oioikun alr. (Own language) lol. We cuddle each other like teddy bears, hug our babies to slp. <3 the happiest moment tt cnt be compared with anything at all. I enjoy the times when we stayed in the room, played daidee, watch dvd, played games.

We were talkin bout holiday, or rather a short getaway ok, for gambling purposes. Hahahaha. We were thinking if we should go taiwan, hongkong and macau for our honeymoon trip. Hubb wanted to surprise me when we go taiwan and take our wedding photos. I'm damn excited bcos I nv tot u will be so sweet or tot of our wedding bcos u nv mention anything at all. I'm so longing forward!! Hiokhiokhiok.
Will Uploading the cutecute photos when I reach hm.

Shall think wher should we head next wk,

2011-02-25T14:57:00.000-08:00

I cared, and I loved, in a wrong way. I dont want things to turn this way, but instead, we drifted apart. I knew I belonged to you, and no one else. My heart broke into pieces when I hear everything tt you said. Im disappointed and hurt. I apologised and gave in, but no one knows how much I had teared. My vision is blurred. I nv ask for ur sympathy. All I want is the old r/s we used to have.

19months. Not very long, but not a short period of time also. Hundreds and millions of sorry tt I've said to you. The wound, deep in my heart, cannot recover anymore. Each hurtful stuff u said, stung my heart. Nothing compared to dying. Im trying my v.v.best to keep you by my side. Trying my v.v.best to change for better.
Your heart died, my tear dropped.

Wad are the forevers, and promises, and nv gonna leave each other? The worst quarrel we had. You spoke up, and I realised Im worthless.
Reading through the sweetest msg u sent me, and the msg u sent me earlier on. I asked back myself, am I holding onto someone who doesnt love me anymore? We really meant for each other afterall? It hurts, I could only rmb the past, our memories, the times we had, we spent.
Every single little sweet things u did. U took care of me, and made me lik a little princess. No matter how much I tried to hold on, deep inside, I know I cant salvage this r/s anymore. I know you're leaving me soon..

I could do nth but cry.. Im sorry, sincerely from my heart..

2011-02-22T20:09:00.000-08:00

wadever i said, or do, never seem to make any sense to u. Im always the one tt is wrong. Yeah, everyone does mistakes. Frankly speaking, i donthink im a fcukin bad gf. Yeah, im unreasonable, bad tempered. Literally, almost every girl would hav mood swing, or throw some temper, or even kisiao for awhile, and their bf would jus pacify them alittle and everything will be alright.

My r/s is diff, even im angry and hw pissed off i am, i still give in, call him and msg him to pacify him. On e other hand, he thinks i made a grave mistake and he need to take revenge on me. Did u ever think wad am i going thru? I've done a gd job as gf. I gave u everything i had, i shared everything i had. From u had nth till today. Wadever u want i give u. Wadever u ask for, i fulfil wad u wan. Im nt trying to imply anything.

U nv said a sorry. Sorry doesnt mean anything, and its nt wad u meant like its 'free'. But it really soothe someone's heart if u really meant sorry. Yet, u dont understand this at all. Im sad, disappointed and angry. I could only cry, and blame myself. Blame myself for nt protecting myself, hurting myself once again. My dream is simple, i dont mind spending money to make both of us happy, but u nv understand.

Im nt saying im nt upset bout losing money. Im fcukin upset, nt bcos of losing money. Why does ppl gets contented by winning 200, while u nv get contented even u win 2k. Dont compare urself with other ppl. Seriously, when we're fcukin poor, no money to eat, no money to smoke, drink plain water. Hw impt is this 200 dollars to u? U forgot. If luck is here everyday with u, why do we still hav to work? If luck is by ur side, why does every unlucky stuff happen to us? I blame myself, some stuff i shouldnt have given u at all, bcos jus to exchange ur happiness.
Wad was e difference when i could play with jus 25bucks and win. My logo was if im earning big bucks, we do have extra cash, and i really dont mind gambling so big. Lets make a comparision, ure earning 3-4k a mth, its really fine to lose 2-3k. But if im earning 1-2k a mth, and im losing 3-4k. Its like adding on to ur burden.

U nv tried to understand wad i meant. Yes, u gt e guts to gamble so big in one hand. U told me, u will never think of e consequenses at all. Look, if u were like before, money isnt an issue to u, i really gt nth to say. But now, money is a v.v.v.v.big issue to us. I will nv blame u. Yes, u said we gonna get married, have a child, and u promise to give me everything. Gonna be tgt for 2yrs. I held on to ur promises up till today. Pls give me a reason to believe. Pls tell me everything i've done really worthed it. But nt blame me, blame me for being a kid, blame me for being a fcuking gf.

2011-02-22T05:16:00.000-08:00

Feb is the shortest mth. It has only 28 days. But it seems to be a very very long month for me. Went back to Big Orange, like finally.. Found a new job at Aura, a new Sri Lanka based company. Whenever people hear tt, they thought I'm selling crab. -.-" Gave up my old job, mia. Feel bad but I know I had to give up for a better career prospect and better pay. Spent at least 3k on expenses.

Chinese new year, resort world, marina bay sands, mahjong. Only thing tt wasn't good was not striking the 10 mil lottery. Because of my new addiction, mr. Lee got addicted also. Everything has to stop. Gonna start my new job tmr, no more mahjong, no more gambling.. Got a new financial plan, savings, clear my credit card bills because I bought a new lv bag! Lovelovelove.

Lastly I wanna thank hubb for treating me so well. Thou I hate e job he's working now, but I enjoy e times I sneak out and went out with frens. Hiokhiokhiok..

2011-02-10T06:29:00.001-08:00

I cried to slp for 3days. I've made my decision, I hope its the best way out after what I've heard today. I wished miracle would happen.

U told me u made a wrong decision in siding me. I hope you could use alittle bit of effort to assure me but it wasn't what I wanted to hear at all. Im really upset, but who can I turn to.
I could only hide and cry to myself, but smile in front of you.

2011-02-02T13:28:00.000-08:00

I love it when we talk lik little kids.
I love it when u carry me on ur back.
I love it when u kiss my forehead.
I love it when we giv each other nicknames.

We are as friends as well as lovers. You gave me so many memories how can I forget you this lifetime. I love u more den anything. Nth matters more than you. I'm looking forward for everything. I pray hard we don't hav to go back to nightlife. Our future is bleak, we will find a way out and walk through the darkness tgt. I know I'm bing selfish but this is the only way out for you to find a new job and start everything over again.

We need so many things in life. U wan a child, a grand wedding, a hse and a car. I really hope we can move on lik a normal couple and live happily ever after. I love u baby. Soso much u know?? <3

2011-01-29T12:15:00.001-08:00

I wanna watch! But I'm sure baby doesn't want to watch Burlesque and My Ex with me. :(

Finally got my new year clothes, a new pair of working shoes and a top from bebe. Applied one more DBS credit card because tempted by Barry. I was damn excited when I collected my lady's card. I promised myself to have more self control in case I got into debts again. I'm left with 2 more days to enjoy myself to the fullest. My friends asked me to tag along on Monday for a KTV session and I wanna go badly. I'm gonna start work on Tuesday. I was wondering if I could enjoy myself alittle more and go home early. But, I know I have no self control when it comes to play. I decided not to go!

Recently, I don't know whats wrong, every part of me seems to itch. I don't know if I got a allergy or my bedsheet is dirty. I'm scratching all over....

My new card. Love love *

We tried out the fish spa. It's damn fun because I'm playing with fishes..

Lastly, the most adorable boy I ever loved.

Really enjoyed my last few days before work. We did things like normal couples. We went to families' house together, played mahjong, go on a movie date. Probably, we started off with nightlife, working together. We missed a year plus together doing what we should do during honey moon period.
We had our first Friday/ Saturday spent together. The first new year countdown, and finally we don't have to work during new year. Which means, we can go anywhere we wanna go on the first day of new year, instead of working.
I'm really looking forward to everything. I hope everything will go well.

I have settled my job stuff and everything. Next, I need to lookout for job opportunities for Baby. But he didn't seem interested. Are we supposed to wait till the arrival of baby then you will work hard? It's not just looking at the newspaper everyday will help.
Who can really take the first step and start the ball rolling? I wondered. It's gonna be very very tough, but who could last right till the end? I would want you to make it, for our sake.

Lastly.....
My favourite song dedicated just for you.

我愿意为你忘记我姓名
就算多一秒停留在你怀里
失去世界也不可惜
<3<3<3>

2011-01-28T13:33:00.000-08:00

Finally a movie date with bf after so so long! Its been 3weeks we had last went out for a date. Went out to get something first and then met up at his workplace. We havent been so happy together since Christmas Eve till now. I feel it's a blessing in disguise, an excuse to force us quit nightlife. We finally can go out on a Friday or Saturday on movies rather than spending time on Mondays and Tuesdays when we don't have anything else while it doesn't have late night movies as well. Moreover there will be more mj sessions on weekends! Sadly, he's going back there and I'm gonna start work soon. He say he'll spend time with me on Mondays and Tuesdays if it happens. Am I suppose to stay up late with him because I wanna spend time with him like how I used to be last time. It's tiring too. Which means no more late night movie or mj sessions with him in future.
I wished I could give him a 100% trust like how I used to. I'm trying my best now. I know I can't expect much now. But I'm contented. I know I was being selfish. I knew I no longer can accept him going back to nightlife but I wished I could voice out. I chose to keep quiet, giving him trust and support to help him tide over everything. I know I wouldn't be happy but I know I had to be sensible and the fact that I already forgive him for the wrongdoings. I had to give him and this relationship alittle more faith for the fact that I'm afraid of losing him.

I got my credit card!! Like finally.... I didn't really want to use it especially the cash plus thingy. It charges 20% interest! Same rates as the loansharks! How can I afford? So I'm gonna leave that at home unless I have really urgent stuff then I'll use it. Sigh but baby doesn't understand why I didn't want to use at all. To him, I was just being selfish. Don't wish to explain much either.

Two thumbs up. Really worth watching not once but twice!

It's not that type of very superficial meaning. It taught me many things and I was amazed. The love story, kinship, righteous, benevolent, Buddhism. Two person, one fate. Repent after everything is lost. For the sake of greed, lust, and authority could lead a person to be ruthless in order to get what he wants more than what he needs. Several touching scenes.
I went to read up on dharma, and Buddhism after I reach home. It's a legend or myth no one knows. But the way of life, god created us. But we, killing each other for power and fear of being taken over.
I like the part when Andy lau repented, urging Xie to repent even though Lau saved him twice and Xie still wanna kill him. When Lau fall during the explosion in shaolin temple, he fall and landed in the Buddha statue's hands and it suddenly rain, washing away the blood people shed. Lives lost, temple destroyed but the spirit of shaolin will always remain within ones heart. Oh, I think Andy lau died in the movie. Haha!
I'm gonna watch it second time soon!

2011-01-27T13:04:00.000-08:00

One month of agony, its finally over. I'll grab hold of this opportunity tight bcos it doesn't knock on your door twice? Of course, I need to perform better than before. I believe God gave me a chance to start again, so please don't make fun of me. I have a goal to achieve.

My new year resolution, not done at all. I'm not in any position to ask for much. I wish the case could close quickly. I hope honey can really carve a career out, after giving him so many ideas, I hope he would know what he should do after giving me all the promises which he made 1 year ago?

I'm itchy all over and I don't know why! There's like bumps all over me and its fcuking itchy. I kept scratching and my nail broke! Its time to change my bedsheet and I realise I have been lazing at home for almost a month. I've become a fat and grumpy potato.

I've been putting on lots of weight and I start controlling my diet, have my diet pills on time, and some little exercises. It makes me have the urge to sweat. Teehee. I know, its a rare scene. 0.o

I've been quarreling with honey for the past few weeks. I forgot I've promised myself to control my temper and stop throwing tantrum. But I tried suppressing it. But it still exploded eventually. Yeah, I knew sometimes I don't even know what I was talking about, and the objective of that argument. All I knew was honey was unhappy with me and I was angry about the words that you used in the text msg.
It hurts me when you told me you blamed me for losing your job. On the other hand, you told me that you were glad that have me by your side and you wouldn't want to go back to nightlife again. The next month you told me a different story. Are u indecisive? Sometimes I couldn't guess what you really want. Its been a month. You told me you gonna put down your pride and be humble and we'll start all over again. The next moment you made me feel you forgotten what you promised earlier on.
Yeah, I'm younger than you. But you never seem to take my advise and take my ideas for consideration.
Never mind, we'll wait till you have something in mind and you decide to move on. Hopefully it won't be too late.

At times, I can't help thinking the stuff that you did and made me cry thousand and thousands of times over and over again. Whenever I happen to see any girls fb or you happen to see this particular girl on streets that you 'happen' to know, I would automatically think did you xxx that girl before or something because it did happen before when Figo brought 'your' friend out. Meanwhile, I gave myself alittle more confidence in this relationship and you. I don't wanna make you feel that I'm selfish. But I just want to protect myself alittle more, in case I got hurt for the same stuff again.
I'm bringing the pieces back and forgetting every bits I can.

Ryan was surprised to hear me going back to the company and how did I manage to talk through Matthew for giving me another chance. I was lucky and I managed to perform well in the company as well. Next, I'm gonna make Woodlands my gold mine where all my commission come from.
Its gonna be tough, and I might be walking this path alone. Honey might be going back to nightlife and we'll have even lesser time to spend with each other than ever. We're meeting each other once or twice a week only. It's unfair when the other couple had their partner with them, every morning seeing your love ones in front of you when you open your eyes.
Sighh...

I'm really lethargic. I need to have a good good rest because I haven't been sleeping well these few days. I missed you really badly but I can't have you by my side for just a day. All I could do was to bear with it.

2011-01-08T04:11:00.000-08:00

u noe wad? I cnt describe how i feel now. i jus feel damn frustrated

2011-01-02T13:31:00.000-08:00

A post before Im going to 'check in' to J.HQ.

Ever wondered, your so called 'sisters/brothers' when they on u for a fight, and they back out with shit happens? Nvm.
Did anyone bothers to even bother to text you, asking how are u after not seeing you for a period of them? Nopes. Not even me.
Melvin always remind me, this world there's no one who really cares and bother bout ur life/death. Only ur family members would. Its all bout making use of each other. I totally understand it now.
Who really did bother to send a 'take care' though it didnt really help much, but it really warms ones heart and allow tt person to walk further with jus a little encouragement.
Shit happens, how many ppl stood by my side? My love ones.

Havent slpt for the whole night. Cnt fall aslp. Met up with Clarence, his girlfriend, Gabriel, James, Xbb and his gf. Coffee, Bak Kut Teh-ed, den home.
Everyone urging u to come back, but u know its impossible. Somehow I feel really sad. I cried for 3days. No one knew. No one knew wad was I going thru. The news are spreading lik wildfire. ): Who really know the truth. No one.

Spent 3days with baby tgt. The first time we spent a Wed/Fri/Sat tgt. Spent a night at Conrad. We hug and cried tgt, shared everything tgt. Each time something cropped up, we promise each other things would nv occur again. We held each other tight, not leaving anyone behind. Darling still wans giant dragon baby, and new home no matter how hard it gets. Each time the prob gets harder to solve, we got closer den before, we'll try harder to solve. We learnt to open up to each other and share everything.
I ℒℴѵℯ you more den anything, baby.

2010-12-23T01:15:00.000-08:00

The late late photos. Had a little bit of drinks with Irene, and Miao @ Titanium. Havent been so relax after so long. Wasnt in gd mood at tt point of time. Shit happens. ):

2010-12-18T09:37:00.000-08:00

U always feel tt I'm always unreasonable. But u nv thought hw much I actually cared. Sighh. All I can say is I no longer feel we really suit each other. Each day I got more tired of all these routine quarrels. But u nv understand wad I really wan. Why should I even bother whether you're drunk or drinking too much.

I'm always selfish and self centered to u anyway. Doesn't make a big diff to u. Wads the point of getting married and hav a family when I'm always unreasonable to u. I'm tired. Sorry.

Things are still back to square one. I'm the one whose expected to be changed not u.

2010-11-23T22:14:00.000-08:00

U cnt imagine e fear in me. I gradually learn to let go.

2010-11-23T09:39:00.000-08:00

I jus wanna tell you I love u more than anything. Im so happy for the past few days though we had some heated arguements. I LOVE U BABY.

2010-11-23T09:17:00.000-08:00

Played some quiz.

1. The end of the world is coming. If you can save only one kind of animal, which one would you pick?
Sheep

2. You go to Africa. When you visit a tribe, they insist you take an animal as a souvenir. Which one would you choose?
Monkey

3. You did something wrong. Instead of being a human, God punishes you to be an animal. What would you choose to be?
Cat

4. If you had the power to make one species disappear forever, which one would it be?
Crocodile

5. If you could make one animal speak a human language, which one would it be?
Rabbit

6. On a deserted island, you can only have one thing as your companion. Which would you choose?
Human

7. If you had the power to tame any kind of animal, which would you pick?
White tiger

8. If you could be an animal for five minutes, which one you would like to be?
Cat

Results:
Jasmine Yap, A kind of person you will be attracted to in a real life situation is obedient and warm.
In the process of courtship, the approach that makes you feel irresistible is being creative, so you're not bored.
웃 :The impression you'd like to give to your lover is stylish.
웃 :One reason that would make you break up with your partner is his or her being ruthless, cold-blooded or ironic.
웃 :The kind of relationship you'd like to build with your partner is a relationship that makes you always feel warm and in love.
웃 :Would you commit adultery? Society and morality worry you. But You wouldn't do anything wrong after marriage.
웃 :About marriage, you think marriage is a precious thing.
웃 :Once you get married, you'll treasure your partner very much.
웃 :About love, at this moment, you are quite self-centered.
웃 :You think of love as something you can get and trash anytime you want.

U see! U see! I will nv commit adultery but only worry my husband will commit adultery. Sighh..

2010-11-23T08:16:00.000-08:00

Listening to oldies. Sometimes spending time alone, blogging, eating durian cake alone........

Shit happens. Supposed to surprise him with the cake on Sun after work. But he's off. Monday, had crab feast, booked the suite but he insisted on going for a movie. Couldnt find his besties to celebrate with him. Cut cake, sang b.day song with him. Its the first time I ever sang a bday song for someone.

Planning for a short get-away trip. Baby and I has been discussing whether we should go or we should save for the Nov trip (as honeymoon). Im jus afraid we wouldnt hav as much savings. Anyway I promised to get him a rolex for next yr's b.day. But we still hav so many stuffs to do for preparations.

I hope I wouldnt regret in future.

2010-11-13T19:53:00.000-08:00

its damn funny especially both of us is in ops room making fun of bk at rebel door.

Disturbing me when im slping, using my baby.

Sometimes I donno I wanna hate you, or love you more. U made me really upset at times, but sometimes U made me feel Im e happiest girl in e world. Sometimes I came out with the idea of brking up, for ur own sake, for ur happiness. But sometimes I donwanna leave you cuz we really do love each other alot. I wanna spend all my life with you
Becos I really love you.

2010-11-10T23:43:00.000-08:00

Prawning session with darling. Im sure he got his ball big and small.

Enjoyed off days with him. Asked bk to bring him to play mj next mth onwards. Bk promised. Money is nv a prob. I jus wan him to be happy and enjoy things tt he liked. I cant allow him to bet soccer, I can allow him for mj sessions.

Made reservations for him and did many things. Sighh. Spent a bomb again. I muz think wad to get for his present alr. -.-'''

2010-11-10T18:47:00.000-08:00

15mths of hardship will be ending in a month's time. I feel I could slp without worrying for anything anymore. Im so glad.

I know u always blame urself bcos U couldnt giv me good life at all for the past 1 yr. Think of tt, we wont be getting engaged or married or we might not even noe each other if u were still at ur old company, rich, gambling, We will nv noe each other. Its a blessing in disguise u might say. In return we hav to go thru so many hardships tgt before we can get married.
I found this man, my partner, my best fren, brother, my buddy, someone whom shared everything with me, wealth or poverty.

I enjoyed your companion, talking bout our goals, laying on ur stomach. Its the happiest thing to end each day. I was wondering if we really could spent it jus lik tt for e rest of our life.

Ging The Star - Pid Praw Ruk (Eng Subs)

2010-11-08T09:10:00.000-08:00

I heard that love is a very powerful thing

Anyone who encounters it must surrender

And there's no way to resist

As soon as love showed up for me,

I let my heart change drastically.

I was willing to do anything jus to have you

The rights and wrongs that I've done

No matter how people judge

I didnt look or take notice

I wouldnt acknowledge anything

All I know is that I did it bcos of love

I did it for you, my love, and that's enough.

You are my true love,

The only heart that I've been waiting for

I cant subject to lose you.

Even knowing that I did it becos of love,

No matter how cruel or wrong my actions were,

I cant live without love.

No matter what sin I must commit,

I'll probably have to concede.

I heard that love is a painful thing.

The more you love someone, the more you need them

You'd wan to possess them, keep them next to you.

I was likewise once I loved you

I wanted you to stay close to my heart

I was willing to do anything jus to hav you